The Break up
by frukus
Summary: Britain broke up with America.


„Let me ask you one more time" Alfred said and took a deep breath, "What do you really feel for me?" Arthur gasped and stammered, "Alfred… I…" Searching for the right words Arthur looked at his hands trying to escape Alfred's piercing glance. "It's ok, just tell me, I'll be fine" Alfred said and took Arthur's hand.

The Brit withdrew his hand and didn't know what to do with it so he started fumbling at the edge of his shirt.

"Look…" Arthur began.

Alfred had waited long for this moment to come. For months he wanted to know what was going on but he was scared to ask his friend. The two blondes had been friends for a long time but about a year ago something changed. Alfred fell in love with the Brit. Unfortunately that was just the time Arthur started dating Francis Bonnefoy, who Alfred barely knew about.

Alfred didn't want to injure their friendship, so he tried getting over it.

A few months later they went to Poland's birthday party. A lot of alcohol, and romantic music were involved and it happened. They started kissing. The most absurd thing of all was that Arthur seemed to start it in the first place. Alfred was confused and drunk but he gave in and kissed Arthur back. "Let's enjoy it before France comes" Arthur whispered in the American's ear, which made Alfred even more confused. At the next party, France himself had organised, they went even further. Alfred was a bit late because he wanted Arthur to wonder if he would come or not. When he got there Arthur jumped right in his arms and dragged him over to the table with all the booze. After a few shots Arthur took Alfred to some room where no one was and they started making out. Alfred felt very happy but also he wanted to talk. While kissing he asked him if Arthur liked him but all he got for an answer was: "You're and awesome kisser, You're an awesome kisser!"

For Alfred it could go on like this forever but he still didn't know what was going on.

Now the moment was there and Alfred's heart pumped like crazy.

"Look" Arthur said, "I'm with France, and it may not seem like it, since we're always arguing… but we're very happy with each other, and…" Alfred nodded. "I understand" he said. He didn't. He was more confused then ever. What was Arthur trying to say. Did he like him or not? What did he see in Alfred? Why couldn't he just tell him right to the face what he felt?

"Look… I talked to France about it and.." Arthur continued, " And we agreed that this has to stop."

"So he…" Alfred tried.

"No he's not mad at me… or us…" Arthur said, "He's happy that I told him and he wants to help me break this habit"

Alfred grinned "It really became a habit, didn't it?" Arthur kept a straight face and nodded.

"But you still haven't told me what you really feel… or felt… when we…" Alfred attempted again but Arthur interrupted "I… Well… Sometimes it didn't really go well between France and me… So that time I was all thinking: I'm going to cut the crap and… become yours…"

Arthur started to tear up a little but he put himself together, straightened his posture and looked directly at Alfred's face. "We are really happy together and I don't want anything to destroy what we have. Even if that means…as much as it hurts me… I can not longer have this affair with you, Alfred." A tear ran down his cheek and he wiped it away with his sleeve.

Alfred tried to stay calm. "So… you want us to be… friends?" He asked, not sure if it was a question or a reproach. He could hardly hold himself together. Every moment he could've burst into tears, or grab Arthur and kiss him passionately. All the things he wanted to say. Why can't we just be together? France doesn't need to know it! You want it too, I know it! I don't want to be friends! I want more than kissing you. I want to be with you as a couple, I want to wake up next to you in the morning. I want you, Arthur, and only you!... I love you!

All the things he couldn't say.

Suddenly he felt really selfish when a thought popped into his head: I gotta break them up… Then Arthur can be mine. I just have to manipulate them so they get to hate each other… Then he'll be mine! But… Arthur only deserves the best. And a guy who tries to break his relationship is certainly not the best. I don't deserve Arthur, Alfred thought, He's to good for me.

If there was any chance of getting back to where he hadn't asked Arthur, he would have taking it. He wished himself back to the moment, he didn't know what Arthur felt. Where he didn't nearly burst out in tears by Arthur's words.

Talking about all other sorts of things, the day ended slowly. Alfred didn't have this feeling anymore, except for a few times when Arthur started talking about France. Alfred got used to the feeling of being just friends. No awkwardness. No weird moment of uncertainty. And on their way home, they had to take the same bus, only Arthur took a stop before Alfred, they even laughed and joked about lots of topics.

Still there were things in Alfred's head he couldn't say. Not only because he was scared to mess up their day, but also were there many other people on the bus who he didn't want to hear what he said.

When Arthur got off the bus, Alfred quickly took his phone and texted Arthur.

"I couldn't tell you on the bus 'cause ears XD but I want u 2 know I'll always be there 4 u no matter wat. Thnx 4 being honest 2day. Oh and if u eva change ur mind, don't 4get me, bro. Luv being ya friend 3"

Suddenly he realized that it was stupid to write something like that but he couldn't cancel the text. So he send another one: "Sorry dude, that was messed up. Doesn't mean that I don't get over u eventually. But I'm pretty fast when it comes to falling in luv again, remember XD

Fuuuuu… Don't answer this.. I'm miserable."

Damn.. he thought. Why can't I just let thing be the way they are. I'm always messing things up.

When Alfred got home he started crying. First he thought he would be so depressed that he wouldn't even be able to cry but when he lay down on his bed, it just poured out of him. After a few minutes his pillow was so wet that he had to turn it over so he could sleep.

The next few days got even worse. He was so depressed that he didn't eat, sleep or even shower. He felt like his life had lost it's purpose. All the things that normally made him happy again did the opposite now. He watched TV and got more depressed. He tried taking a run around the block and halfway it started raining. He stopped running and just stood there in the downpour until he was soaked. Then he got home, took a long shower and lay down on the floor naked. He didn't care if someone could see him naked or anything. All his thought were with Arthur. He could only think of the moment they were kissing. And every time the image of Arthur's cute mouth saying "You're an awesome kisser!" popped into his head, Alfred couldn't help crying. He smashed his fists on the floor over and over again crying: "Why did I just let him go that easy?! I could've had all this! See, America! This is what you have to miss out on! Stupid, Alfred, Stupid!" He punched the floor until his knuckles bled. Then he went to the bathroom, let cold water run over his hands, cried, sat down on the toilet lid, buried his face in his hands, stood up went back to his room, laid down on the floor and continued staring at the ceiling for hours. He didn't eat for days. Not that he was hungry, no, he wasn't. His stomach was much more busy hurting each time Alfred thought of Arthur's pretty eyes. His hair, his body. Everything, he had said.

Arthur had asked the American: "Why do you even like me? What is it about me that you like?"

"Everything" was the only thing Alfred could say that moment, "Your personality, Your looks… Everything."

Alfred had felt very stupid that he couldn't say something else. Now that he lay on the floor only thinking he had lots of answers. First of all; Your kindness. Your hair. Your beautiful eyes. The way you look at me when I say something sarcastic. The way you laugh, walk, and draw. The way you talk about things you like. Your little cute nose. The way you act when you're drunk and just want to cuddle anyone you walk pass. The little smirk you make when you don't understand my jokes. The crazy faces you make when you do impressions of people you like or don't like. The way you reject my compliments on your looks. You don't ever believe me when I say you are beautiful. You look amazing and you ARE amazing, and everyone who tells you otherwise is a huge liar.

But it was to late. Alfred was friend zoned.

He would eventually get over Arthur, but he would never forget him. He would wait for him as long as he could. He didn't want it all to be over. When he would ever get the chance to be with Arthur after all, he would take it. And he would force himself to fall in love again, if he had to, although he didn't think so.


End file.
